By Nadine Briggs and Donna Shea

It’s holiday gift giving time! We have some favorite games that we play at our social skills centers that are fun to play but they also work on friendship skills. Here are some of our favorites and why we like them.

1. SUPERFIGHT (https://amzn.to/34IDQbF)

Product Description: SUPERHEROES IN SUPER FIGHTS. Who would win: Abraham Lincoln with laser eyes or a velociraptor armed that can use the force? SUPERFIGHT is a classic party game from Skybound Games where you argue with your friends over RIDICULOUS fights between RIDICULOUS characters armed with RIDICULOUS attributes. It is up to the players to argue and plead their cases about why their fighters would beat the other!

Why we like it: This game uses a lot of imagination and it creates a fun scenario where kids essentially argue their point. It’s a great game to teach respectful disagreements and when to relinquish and acknowledge when you have lost a verbal spat.

2. Charades for Kids (https://amzn.to/2Rdwucw)

Product Description: The classic game of Charades – now designed especially for kids to play and enjoy! With three levels of clues, each card has one pictured clue, so no reading is required (although the combination of the picture and its corresponding word reinforces early reading skills). Younger players can act out a toothbrush, a cat or a bumblebee. Older children can read the simple words and phrases and act out actions like eating spaghetti or playing guitar! It’s great fun for the whole family as they try to guess the charade before time runs out!

Why We Like It: Reading body language is a critical part of socialization. When playing this game we encourage the players to focus on the facial expression to elicit the right emotion for the situation. We usually omit use of the timer since it can bring on stress when we are looking to have fun and, in our opinion, a timer does not add to the game’s enjoyment.

3. Crappy Birthday (https://amzn.to/2Rdx89W)

Product Description: Crappy Birthday is the hilarious game of giving bad gifts. The goal is to choose the worst gift for each player. Just looking at the pictures will make you laugh, but it is the ensuing banter that makes this game a winner. You have gotten ugly socks for your birthday before, Crappy Birthday lets you return the favor. Giving bad gifts has never been so much fun. There is also a similar game called Happy Birthday.

Why We Like It: Games that ask players to think about what the preferences or dislikes are of others help with developing perspective taking. This game also teaches kids to not take things too seriously.

4. Cockroach Poker (https://amzn.to/2LfnMGQ)

Product Description: Can you keep a poker face and bluff your way to victory Eight types of creepy critters are depicted on the COCKROACH poker cards, your job isn’t to win, simply to make sure that you don’t lose! Players take it in turns to pass a Card, face down to one of their opponents and say out load what’s on the card. They might bluff, or they might be telling the truth… Is it a rat Or is it really a stink bug The recipient can either accept the card, saying if they think the player is telling the truth or bluffing… Or they can peek at the card and pass it on… If you’re caught bluffing, or you call bluff incorrectly, you keep the card face up in front of you. As soon as one player has four of the same critter cards in front of them, or when a player has no cards left to pass, they lose – and everyone else wins! Watch your opponents carefully for signs of shifty behaviour and concentrate as you follow the critters between players…

Why We Like It: Players read facial expressions to determine if someone is bluffing. Kids in our social groups really get into the spirit of this game. They say things like “enjoy this stinkiest of all stink bugs!”

5. Bubble Talk (https://amzn.to/37X2p6N)

Product Description: Bubble Talk is a new fast-paced family board game that asks players to match hilarious captions with funny pictures. A game that is as much fun if you are 8 or 80. The game begins when each player draws seven random caption cards. The judge for that round draws a picture card and players must quickly try to mat ch the funniest caption they have to the picture. The player who makes the judge laugh the most wins that round. Each round provides comical, clever and creative results, guaranteed to keep everyone in the group laughing. Perfect for a small group of three or as many as eight players. Each game includes 150 picture cards (4″x 6″) and 300 hilarious caption cards that allow for hours of game play. So let’s get started!

Why We Like It: The kids absolutely love this game. It always generates peals of laughter. The game has photos of rather odd scenarios with a wide variety of captions that may go with the images. Kids will practice respecting the opinion of peers as the “it” for the round chooses the caption that they think fits the image best. Some of the captions may be a bit “edgy” for younger kids so we simply remove those from the game.

Any game that brings people together, gets a few laughs and doesn’t need batteries or charging is a great gift this holiday season. Enjoy and happy holidays!

Note: Links include affiliate codes which could put a few extra pennies in our pockets.

By Donna Shea & Nadine Briggs

Both of us are veterans of stressful family gatherings. I (Donna) can tell you that I never attended a family gathering that looked like the one in the picture. It was always a dream, but never the reality.

Relatives in large groups can be a lot of fun, but can also easily overwhelm your child’s social skills abilities. Kids who become stressed by changes in routine, noise, smells, and their emotions more easily overcome extra demands. They may implode and be clingy and shy, or they may explode, and behaviors may escalate.

Prior proper planning can help alleviate stress — preview with your child who will be there and what they may expect. In my family, one my side, we tend to do holidays in an express-like fashion. We eat, we visit, and we call it an early night. On my boys’ dad’s side, it was an event that extended long into the evening with board games. Neither of my ADHD/Anxious/Sensory sons did well with long family events. One way we helped them was for each of us to take a car. That way, when the boys had enough, the one who’s family it wasn’t could take them home. Fortunately, they are both in their 30’s now and can drive themselves home!

Another way you can plan is to remember to bring any specific food requirements your child may have. They may need particular snacks to help them on a long drive. Bring a bottle of ketchup if your kid puts it on their turkey with you just in case your host doesn’t have any or if the bottle that grandma has expired in 2016 (believe me, this ruined a Thanksgiving one year, and I felt so badly for my kid). Hey, and if your child only wants to eat the dinner rolls, relax, it’s just a holiday.

Now might be a good time to pack a calming kit (we talk about this in our I Feel Worried book) with items that help soothe your child. A scented pillow, a favorite stuffy, coloring materials, gum, squeeze ball, are all ideas to add. You might also want to consider picking up a new toy (for example, a small Lego kit) as a different item to keep your child busy if there is a long wait for dinner. There is also nothing wrong with allowing a little screen time in a quiet area if your child needs it to regulate.

You might also consider positive behavior reinforcement with a small point system or token jar to help your child stay focused and on track — layout your expectations. For example, 1. Use your manners. 2. No going under the table, 3. Hands to yourself, 4. etc. I suggest no more than four. Then, tally up the points at the end of the day and have a small prize when they earn all the points. Please do not make hugging or kissing mostly-unknown relatives an expectation. Allow your child to wave or offer a high-five instead.

So what do you do if your child does lose it or starts to misbehave? Do what you would do at home. Take them to a quiet spot away from prying eyes. Allow a break in the action. We have to beware that we don’t behave more harshly towards our kids who struggle because we feel we are being watched and judged.

And sometimes, being judgy is the case with family members. I can’t tell you how many times we as parents of these guys hear, “if you would just ________” he wouldn’t behave that way anymore. Or, the other one, “if he were my kid, I would _________.” Well, he isn’t your kid. The best response that I have come up with for relatives who only see your child in snippets is to thank them for their experience and input, and then do what you know is right for your child. You are the expert on what your child needs. Stay true as their social coach during these significant social events, and you will both make it through the turkey dinner!

 

By Nadine Briggs and Donna Shea
The release of our latest book, Bully Busting and Managing Meanies: Tip for Kids on Managing Conflict, prompted me to think back on my relationships in high school. I was not in the most nor the least popular group in high school but I believe I was liked by most people. I played sports and was in the band and definitely excelled more musically than athletically. At 5’ 8”, everyone told me that I should play basketball so I did. I also quickly learned that being tall was not an athletic skill. The band people were my people and I had decent enough skills to make playing music fun for me. I had a great group of close friends. There were around 6 of us that hung out with a few extras that joined us from time to time. Being part of this group provided me social contentment and I still keep in touch with nearly all them to this day.

I had a male bully in high school. I have chosen not recall the things he did to me but it was verbal abuse, not physical. I do recall, though, a fear that he would physically hurt me. I would get a sick feeling in my stomach whenever I saw him since I never knew when he would verbally attack. His hatred for me always baffled me. I did not have classes with him and I don’t recall ever really interacting with him at all prior to the bullying. The solid friend group that I was fortunate enough to have, bolstered by confidence and lessened his impact on me. I don’t recall how long the bullying went on but I do know how it stopped. I was 16 and had a boyfriend for the first time. The guy that I dated in high school just so happened to be a wrestler and martial arts black belt who played football. He was a big guy for high school and much bigger and more muscular than my bully. It saddens me that it was another’s brawn that stopped this kid from hassling me. As someone who is certified in bullying prevention, I would have preferred that my bully saw the light or the error of his way but my gut tells me that that never happened. I don’t know who he went on to become and I don’t know if he ever thinks back about how he bullied me in high school. Perhaps hating me was too insignificant to him. It doesn’t matter to me now but I am confident that he would have been more ingrained in my memory if I did not have the unconditional acceptance of my friends. Their opinion mattered more than his and it is them who I focused on at that time. It shows that bullies won’t have the impact that they are hoping to have if the victim has a solid friend group supporting them. All these years later, his insignificance is my triumph.

By Donna Shea & Nadine Briggs

Today is World Kindness Day. It is also Red Sweater Day in honor of Mr. Rogers, one of the kindest and most genuine people to have existed in our world. I went out and found one just to be able to wear it today. To make a kindness statement – that I am a believer that kindness counts and manners matter.

It can easy to lose our kindness. There have been several things going on behind the scenes in my life that tear at that kindness. There are times when I hurt, am angry, and just want to hurt back. It doesn’t work though. It only increases the hurt and anger from all directions. Never has it ever decreased negative feelings or solved a problem. We can grow bitter and vengeful over what other people do to us, or we can choose to accept that the only thing we have control over is our own response to it. Sometimes we even have to accept the hurt. But when we do that, and we give kindness in return, there is a much better chance of eventually rectifying the situation.

Anger can be an easy road to follow. Kindness, in the face of hurtfulness, is a harder choice to make. But one that ultimately makes me feel better on the inside. And when we put kindness into the world, it is my belief that we receive kindness in return.

Be kind today, even if you don’t want to. It feels so much better.

By Nadine Briggs and Donna Shea
Making meaningful connections is critical to developing friendship with others. The conversation must go beyond the initial greeting. Most of the kids, teens and young adults we work with don’t know what to say after “hey, what’s up” has been said. They don’t necessarily know how to react when a friend tells them something that is important or exciting to them. Case in point, when I (Nadine) shared something that I thought was exciting with various social groups. It went something like this.

“Hey guys! Check out what happened to me today!”

How do you think they reacted? They didn’t, so I went on.

“I saw a bobcat in my backyard this morning! I have video of it peeing in my garden!”

Guess what? Still no response. Not one person asked to see the video of the bobcat in my garden.
The reaction should have been something like “Oh my gosh! Seriously? Can I see the video?!” but that is not what any of them did. Clearly this set up the main point for what I wanted them to understand. Even if you truly don’t care what is exciting to someone else, you should engage with that person. Share in their excitement and ask questions to show that you are engaged in their lives. It doesn’t matter if you care about the bobcat, but it does matter that you show you care that it matters to them.

By Donna Shea & Nadine Briggs

It’s the week of jack-o-lanterns, costumes, candy, and scary fun. For those kids who participate in Halloween festivities, the excitement can be almost too much to bear this week. Every year, in these few days before the holiday, we notice a palpable escalation of the inability to manage that excitement. You may experience that your child is having a tough time this week. And they are.

The kids in my social group yesterday were over the top in their loudness, inability to listen to directions, and demonstrated exponentially increased behavior challenges over what I typically see. My staff and I pretty much (as we do every year) throw up our hands and remove our usual expectations, because at this juncture, the kids truly can’t meet them.

The kids knew that they were out of control. When I sat down to dismiss them and give them a Halloween treat, several of them felt that they weren’t going to get one because of the challenges we had during the entire group session. We went over some of the things that we knew went wrong. I explained to them that in this instance, I understood what was going on. My friendship (and their Halloween treat) was unconditional.

Most kids have a difficult time containing their excitement during this holiday. Kids who have social struggles and self-modulation challenges have an almost impossible time keeping it together this week. We, as adults, need to be unconditional and more patient during this week of tricks and treats.

By Nadine Briggs and Donna Shea

One of the most common friendship struggles we see at our social skills centers is that kids/teens don’t understand that friendships need balance. If someone goes to the movie you wanted to see, then the next time, you might go see the movie that your friend prefers. To be a good friend, there is an ongoing check and balance calculation that most people do without really thinking about it. Others need to really work at evaluating the balance in a relationship. Even those who tend to do a fairly decent job of monitoring this can sometimes get out of whack.

In Donna’s and my business relationship, we discuss the division of tasks as though they were household chores. We’ll often say things like “I’ve got the laundry if you have the dishes.” Last week, Donna had the laundry. She washed, fluffed, folded and was all caught up on her laundry. I, however, have a sink full of dishes. I am behind on what I am supposed to do.

In healthy relationships where there is that constant give and take, the other person does not become angry when there is an imbalance. They develop a trust over time so they know that, even though they are totally caught up with their tasks, the other will do what they are supposed to do. For me, that means that I need to roll up my sleeves and get busy on those dishes. Donna trusts that I will and I will always do my best to never let her down because that’s what it takes to maintain strong friendships.

By Donna Shea & Nadine Briggs

I think that we all believe that in our culture, there is a definite uptick in anxiety in our children and teens. We have a pretty good pulse on what causes kids to worry. We talked about this in a previous blog back in May of this year.

Then came a surprise to me over the past week or two. Maybe it shouldn’t have been a surprise. Kids were telling me that they were searching on Google or other search engines for information that tended to make their anxiety worse. One example was a 10-year-old who was getting her flu shot and went searching for the chance of dying from getting a flu shot. There are young, I mean young, children that are looking online for symptoms of depression, information on germs (this can only feed OCD tendencies), and more. “What if” thinking can quickly turn into “what if” searching.

As an adult who struggles with anxiety myself (Donna), at its height, I was one of those medical Googlers, convincing myself that I had some horrible medical issues when, in truth, it was symptoms of anxiety. So Googling increased the fear, which then exacerbated the symptoms. A vicious cycle.

If you have a child that struggles with anxiety, especially around their health or the health of their family members, please check-in to see if they are Googling these topics. It’s so easy for kids to search online, and we know how much of it is sensationalism or false information. Access to this much information at a young age can be too much to handle for a child. With that information right at their fingertips, they could be Googling up their anxiety.

 

By Nadine Briggs and Donna Shea

When kids are being teased and harassed, they become so angry and upset that many of them start plotting their revenge on the offender. It can feel great in the planning stage as they imagine all the ways that they will “show them a thing or two” or “teach them a lesson they won’t soon forget.” Fantasizing about such revenge is fine if it makes the victim feel better, but acting out on those thoughts is not recommended.

The person who started the conflict or who is bullying another will quickly learn that their tactics have been effective when the victim tries to seek revenge. Chances are, the perpetrator is not going to care whatever the victim says or does. The victim is trying to show strength in this way but is, in reality, indicating weakness.

Acting like they don’t care, even when it’s making them crazy, takes power away from the perpetrator. Vengeance does not. Many times when kids try to seek revenge, they are the ones who are caught in the act by adults and get reprimanded. Despite screams of “he started it!” adults will likely react to what they observed and not the claims of any individual child.

Our advice is for all kids to practice their “what ev” face and body language. Not caring what others say or do is truly the best revenge.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Check out our latest book, Bully Busting and Managing Meanies: Tips for Kids on Managing Conflict available on Amazon.com

By Donna Shea & Nadine Briggs

I (Donna) recently experienced a loss of what Nadine and I refer to as our “sparkle.” That positive vibe that we bring to life and the resilience skills that we both have honed over the years. Life hasn’t been a piece a cake for either of us, but we are usually pretty adept at waiting for the tide to change and solving whatever problems come our way.

I found myself over the last few weeks of summer and all through September having what I think of as “sewer thoughts.” I’d think about one of the multiple things that haven’t been going well recently, and then my brain would just go down the drain and pile on more and more rotten thoughts. I felt a loss of hope, a deep dislike of humanity, and anger that came from what I could see as solvable problems, but one’s that I had absolutely no control over. It came to a head when I found myself oversharing my sewer thoughts in a completely inappropriate social setting. That was a wake up call that I needed to do what I coach all of our young clients to do, find a way out of the sewer.

How do you do that? In several blogs, we’ve talked about the basics of positive psychology. Be grateful. Look for the good. Understand what you do and do not have control over, and make decisions based on what you have to work with. Positive psychology is not all about sunshine and unicorns. It is a way to maintain your grit and mental health when everything in your sphere seems to be playing against you. Put your own mental health ahead of what issues are attempting to suck you into the sewer. Do what you can do, and let go of what you do not have control over. Don’t get me wrong, there is sometimes sadness and loss involved with letting go, but processing sadness is much better then becoming stuck in the sewer.